Thanks to our Bollywood films, our mothers have always occupied a place on a pedestal and it would be considered sacrilege to put the M-word and the S-word together. Why else were our on-screen mommies usually widows? No husband is equal to no sex life. So the only time she had sex was to procreate and heaven help her because that would be the last time she would be guilty of that pleasure.
A pregnant woman is known to have cravings. Some love the taste of sour fruit, like lemons…some others crave ice cream in the middle of the night. When I was pregnant, I craved sex.
It’s usually believed, at least in India, that a pregnant woman’s cravings must be satisfied. If she demands pizza at 3 a.m., she should be obliged. But I have a strong feeling that our ancestors were not thinking about the carnal cravings of the mother when they imposed this social rule. What made matters worse was that my gynaecologist did not think sex was a great idea with a baby in my tummy. “Avoid close relations.” My friend’s gynaecologist said these exact words as he surreptitiously looked at her and her husband who shifted uncomfortably in his chair. So obviously when I told my friend that I wanted to watch porn all day, she looked at me with an expression of such disbelief that I thought her eyes would pop out of her sockets any minute and pierce my dark, black soul.
“Watch some religious videos on the Internet. That’s what you are supposed to do.” This advice from a Financial Analyst in a multinational company shocked me. “Why would you say that?” “Because motherhood is pure…They say the baby is watching and listening to everything you do. Do you want your child to hear it? “Err…I could watch it on mute?” I offered. She just rolled her eyes and swiftly changed the conversation to the first poopy diaper that I would encounter and its gloriously green contents. I could see she was trying to kill the fire burning in my loins but sadly for her and gladly for me, she did not succeed. I talked to a lot of women about it – single women, mothers, pregnant women – and all of them looked at me like I was some sort of pariah. Some laughed uncomfortably. Some others wondered if I was simply trying to shock them. All I was trying to do was find answers. Was I the only one who felt that way? I had to do something about it. Urgently. So I turned to my partner in crime – my dear, darling husband. I wooed him left, right and center beseeching him to do “it” while we still had a chance. Blackmailing him saying that another day he would be jumping at the chance and seizing the opportunity. But no amount of titillation sufficed. One large woman with a very large belly that housed his future child was almost too much to handle for him. “It’s almost like you are doing it in front of your child, you know,” he pointed out. Literally left to my own devices, I turned to my safe recourse – Internet porn. After all, I was just looking for a quickie. Easy access, a five-minute job and a neat ‘clear history’ later, I was a happy soul with a baby kicking away in glee inside. Sigh! Those were the good days. Remember when the government wanted to ban pornography websites? My heart went out to all the really horny pregnant women with non-participating husbands whose surging hormones were screaming for an orgasm. Thank God they didn’t do it. It would have left a very sour lemony taste in a pregnant woman’s mouth. Come to think of it, maybe this ‘I feel like eating lemons’ is a euphemism for having sex. Next time, when you hear a pregnant woman saying she is craving lemons, you’ll know what she really wants.
